Movie Title Smooshes

I recently came across a list of movie title conflations we must have made up a while back. I'm sure many of them are not original to me and My Associate, but they are here reproduced for your amusement (?). For the more literary minded, I heartily recommend The Man Who Melted Jack Dann.

• Ordinary Cat People
• There's Something About Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
• Sky Captain and the Saddest Music in the World of Tomorrow
• Don't Cry It's Only Mad Max III: Beyond Thunderdome
• Henry V Element
• Futureshocker
• Fantastic Four Weddings and a Funeral
• Look Who's Talking Apocalypse Now
• O Super Mario Brothers, Where Art Thou
• Serenity and Sympathy
• Bring It On Golden Pond
• The First Wives' Fight Club
• My Life So Far and Away
• Evil Dead Again
• Best in Showgirls
• Creepshowgirls
• The Rocky Horror Picture Show V
• Blade 3 Men and a Baby
• All the President's Men Don't Leave
• And Justice for All the Pretty Horses
• They Shoot All the Pretty Horses, Don't They
• My Little Vampire Pony: The Movie
• The Man Who Knew Two Little Women
• Clara's Hart's War
• The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich
• Any Unforgiven Sunday
• Sunday in the Park with the Madness of King George
• Dr. Strange Brew
• Citizen Ruthless People
• Kramer Vs. Alien Vs. Predator Vs. Kramer (vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs Earth Vs. the Flying Saucers)
• Jesus Christ Super Star Wars
• Space Hunter: Adventures in Babysitting Across the Forbidden Zone

When Xoanon Was In [REDACTED] Lands

I was at the house I grew up in with My Associate, my mom and dad. A few friends were in town for a concert and were staying at the house. They stopped by in a van before the show. Then, suddenly about 100-200 of their closest friends also dropped by, unannounced. We turned off the lights and hid upstairs, quite perturbed at the presumption. Eventually the cops showed up in riot gear and put up two chain-link fences to hold back the crowds. The officer in charge informed me that due to a screw up whereby they'd also blocked off the other ends of the street, they'd have to take down the fences closest to our house to move the crowds out. I replied "Under _no circumstances_ let my people go!"

Beef Stew Recipe

• 2lbs lean stew beef, trimmed and cut ~1-2" cubes
  
• [use more or less of the below as you like, all together veggies are enough to fill an 8 cup measure]
  
  
  
  • 3-4 large Carrots peeled and chopped
    
  • 5-6 medium red Potatoes - quartered
    
  • 3-4 stalks Celery, chopped,
    
  • ~1 cup chopped onion
    
  
  
• 2 8oz cans tomato sauce
  
• 1 cup hot water, 1 beef bouillon cube optional
  
• 1/2 tablespoon thyme
  
• 1 tablespoon dried basil
  
• 1/4 tablespoon black pepper
  

In a paper bag or flat Tupperware container, add 1tbsp flour and a portion
of the beef at a time, shaking to coat.
Remove coated beef to platter, sprinkle with black pepper to taste.
In heavy kettle or pot, heat 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil.
Brown beef over low heat in oil.
When brown, add tomato sauce, water/bouillon and spices.
Simmer 45min-1hr at medium-to-low heat, stirring occasionally.
Add vegetables and enough water to cover.
Simmer until vegetables are done to taste, ~45 minutes.
Taste after ~30 min and add additional spices as needed.

The Fifty-Hit-Dice Spider

We live in a basement apartment, which is actually very nice (lots of light). But it does mean we get a lot of spiders. They vary in size and shape, predominantly the long-legged slow-moving kind. Occasionally we get some really big ones.

Once, as I was brushing my teeth, I noticed a truly colossal spider by the medicine cabinet.

Being somewhat prone to hyperbole anyway, I told My Associate "There's a fifty hit dice spider in here, don't be alarmed." As I didn't play D&D all that much growing up I didn't have a good sense of scale for hit dice.

My Associate, who is way more of a D&D geek than I am informed me "a fifty hit dice spider would be catching red dragons in its web".

We laughed.

River of Night's Dreaming

We were reading comics on the porch of a building, perhaps a loading dock. The wind was blowing them towards a river nearby which went down a rapids into another building where it was part of an elaborate artificial waterfall or sculpture that resembled (in part) a printing press.

There were bleachers in the building with people watching something. When I noticed the comics blowing into the river, a team of us went in undercover to shut down the sculpture so we could get access to retrieve the comics.

One particular comic was valuable; I felt a lot of anxiety that the wind had been blowing them from the porch for quite some time before we noticed.
In the building was also a room that looked like a lethal injection chamber.

There was one guy in particular was spearheading our operation. I expressed concern that a member of the cleaning staff was coming and would jeopardize our cover but he explained she was one of us.

I Totally Have Superpowers!

I dreamed that I was a detective at a crime scene. Someone ran up, knocked out my partner, stole our car and sped away. I followed on foot, effortlessly keeping up running. The perpetrator went the wrong way up an exit ramp, and flipped the car. I arrived to find him thrown to the side of the road. Amazingly, emergency responders were already there. I touched his head and revived him with a lavender light (of course it was lavender). I then demanded he tell me who'd sent him, and as an inducement to be more forthcoming, proceeded to drain and restore his life essence, causing him tremendous pain.

Wuthering High

I dreamed that I was an observer in court where Kate Bush, Pat Benatar and Another Male Rocker (who it was I don't recall) were on trial for cocaine possession. Kate and Pat broke into a duet version of Wuthering Heights and totally brought the house down. Ali Larter was seated behind me and was quite distraught when Male Rocker refused her request for an autograph.